[Intro]

Variant A:
Good morning.

Variant B:
YOU WON'T BELIEVE
IT'S MORNING.

[Verse]

They handed me two headlines
and told me pick the one that's mine.
I wrote, "Local Clinic Adds
Twelve New Nurses, Starting Today."
S-E-O changed it to:
"Residents STUNNED By What They'll Say."
I said, "You're making healthcare
Sound like contraband supplies."

[Chorus]

A-B test my dignity,
Put my last nerve in Variant B.
Measure rage, compare regret,
See which version I resent.
If good judgement needs a split,
Test this headline: "I am sick of it."

[Verse]

The dashboard favours vague unknowns,
The editor favours nouns.
Variant A says "Train Delayed."
Variant C says "STEEL BEAST BETRAYS."

[SEO]
That one performs remarkably.

[Frank]
I made that one as a joke.

Maya hides a laugh. Frank says,
"If this is strategy, the ceiling's the roof."

[Pre-Chorus]

A says fact. B says fear.
A explains. B keeps you near.

[Chorus]

A-B test my dignity,
One gets clicks, one lets me breathe.
Measure rage, compare contempt,
Which humiliation converts best?
When the winner goes online,
Please attach your name, not mine.

[Guitar Solo]

[Bridge]

Frank takes the template, adds a row.
The spreadsheet asks: VARIANT NAME.
He types: "Journalism."
The system says: INVALID FIELD.

[Final Chorus]

A-B test my dignity,
Now the whole desk sings with me.
Test the anger, test the doubt,
Test how long before we walk out.
If your software wants a hit,
Here's Variant D: "MAN CLICKS NOTHING. STAYS LEGIT."

Winner:
Variant D.
By nine percent.

[Outro]

Frank stares at the result.

"Well.

That is irritating."